The Tragical History of Bromeo & Drooliet Act V Scene II

SCENE II. Friar Fuggin Laurence's cell.

Enter FRIAR JOHN
FRIAR JOHN
Face front fellow Franciscan! Your fellow fraternal friar ferrets favor!
Enter FRIAR LAURENCE
FRIAR LAURENCE
Adroit alliteration as always, Friar John! I awaited your auspicious appearance! What news from Mantua? What response gave you Romeo? And please deliver any corresponding missive he bade you as soon as possible.
FRIAR JOHN
Ah yes, well, about that. You see, I ran into a little difficulty getting into Mantua. I guess there’s this, plague thing going around, and so, I was not allowed into Mantua because of the quarantine they have set up, and so I wasn’t exactly able to deliver your letter to Romeo. Because of the plague.
FRIAR LAURENCE
Okay, so if you didn’t, who did deliver my letter to Romeo?
FRIAR JOHN
Well, you see it wasn’t just me that was barred entry, it was everyone. No one could have delivered your letter to Romeo. So, no one, gave your letter to Romeo.
FRIAR LAURENCE
No one! Do you know what this means? Do you have any idea what you’ve done?! This is a catastrophe of extraordinary magnitude! Gadzooks this is bad! Friar John, at least help remedy this disaster and fetch me a crobar. Immediately!
FRIAR JOHN
Okay, I’m going. But also, remember, it was the plague’s fault, not mine.
Exit
FRIAR LAURENCE
Yes, I’m sure we’d all like to blame the plague for our failures. How convenient an excuse for the incompetent. All my meticulous planning, rent to smithereens. I’ll have to make haste to Juliet’s tomb and abscond with her earlier than anticipated. God damn Friar fuck face John. MOTHERFUCK.
Exit