The Tragical History of Bromeo & Drooliet Act IV Scene II

SCENE II. Hall in Capulet's fuckin house.

Enter CAPULET, LADY CAPULET, Nurse, and two fuggin slaves
CAPULET
You, slave: invite everyone on this list.
Exit First Slave
You, other slave: go hire the best pastry chef in Verona.
Peter
Yes, sir. And whoever I hire will first lick his fingers in front of me, sir.
CAPULET
What good will that do?
Peter
It will make sure he’s finger lickin good, sir!
CAPULET
Get out of my sight. Now.
Exit Peter
The Count may not want an extravagant party but at least we can make sure the food we do serve is top notch. Nurse, where is Juliet? Did she go to Friar Laurence’s?
Nurse
Yes, my lord, I think so.
CAPULET
Good, maybe a man of the cloth will be able to talk some sense into her thick rebellious skull.
Nurse
I believe that’s actually her coming back now, my lord.
Enter JULIET
CAPULET
Ah yes, and how are you, my obstinate offspring?
JULIET
Father! I want to totally apologize! I’m like, very humbled now and I like, beg your forgiveness and stuff. So. Can you like forgive me for like everything I said before and whatever?
CAPULET
Well now, this is indeed a welcome adjustment of your attitude. And what about your impending nuptials to Count Paris? What is your opinion on that event now?
JULIET
Oh I just saw Paris at Friar Laurence’s, where I learned all about filial obedience or whatever, and I’m cool with marrying Paris. That’s no problem. Like, whatever you want, dad.
CAPULET
Splendid, now we can get all his money, I mean now I can finally provide for my daughter like I’ve always wanted. You know this Friar Laurence, he’s all right.
JULIET
Yeah, he’s wonderful. Anyway, I should probably go pick out a dress for the big day tomorrow.
LADY CAPULET
Tomorrow? I think you mean Thursday, my dear. All this excitement must have you confused.
CAPULET
Yes, you don’t need a special dress for tomorrow. It’s not like anyone is planning some big secret event for the day before your wedding. Regardless, you and the nurse may confer in private, Juliet. I’ll continue making arrangements with your mother.
Exeunt JULIET and Nurse
LADY CAPULET
And how much there is left still to plan! Do you think we will be able to have everything ready in time, my husband?
CAPULET
My dear, concern yourself with naught but Juliet and her dress and makeup and what have you. I shall handle all the arrangements from here on out. I have been planning for this for quite some time you know and it’s not everyday that a father’s dreams for his daughter’s dream to marry a count comes true!
Exeunt