The Tragedy of Hamdong Act IV Scene VI

SCENE VI. Another room in the castle.

Enter HORATIO and a Servant

HORATIO
Now what is it the fuck that you want, limp dick?

Servant
Sorry to bother, sir, but these sailors say they have letters for you.

HORATIO
Great. ENTER!
.
Exit Servant

Fuggin email would be a whole lot fucking simpler.

Enter Sailors

First Sailor
Thank you for seeing us, sir.

HORATIO
You're welcome, SEAMEN.

First Sailor
I have a letter for you sir. From the ambassador to England. If you are Horatio than this shit is yours. Sir.

HORATIO
Thanks, cock breath.


[Reads]

'Horatio, after you’ve read this, give the cock breath that gave it to you some money to deliver the other letters he has left to the king. The ASSHOLE king of Denmark.

Anyway, on our way to England our ship was attacked by pirates. YES PIRATES. They had pegs for legs and parrots on their shoulders. They attacked us by swinging from ropes while letting out a battle cry of ARRRRGHHH, at least those without cutlasses in their mouths did.

But, they turned out to be pretty sweet pirates, and they are going to give me a ride back to Denmark. Nice people these pirates. Who knew?

Also those dildos Rosenfartz and Queefenstern are still going to England. But fuck those guys.

Holy crap these pirates got me fuckin hammered on grog. Shit!

Sorry so sloppy!

Your pal,
Hamdong’

OK cock breath. I’ll give you some ducats to deliver the rest of your mail to the king, but first you can take me to the the guy who gave you these letters.

Come on, move it asshole!

Exeunt