The Tragedy of Hamdong Act IV Scene II

SCENE II. Another room in the castle.

Enter HAMDONG

HAMDONG
[dusting off hands]

And so long dead body!

ROSENCRANTZ: GUILDENSTERN:
[Within] Hamdong? You there Hamdong?

HAMDONG
Huh? What? Who’s calling?

Oh, it’s you two dildos.

Enter ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN

ROSENCRANTZ
Hamdong, what have you done with the dead body?

HAMDONG
None of your fucking business, asshole.

ROSENCRANTZ
We just want to know so we can bury it in the chapel.

HAMDONG
Fuck off.

ROSENCRANTZ
Why would you say that?

HAMDONG
Because you’re a dickhead who can smell the king’s lunch after he eats it.

ROSENCRANTZ
Oh, so you think I’m a kiss ass?

HAMDONG
I don’t think it, I know it. You’re nose is browner than UPS truck. You may as well have your lips surgically attached to the king’s butthole. I’m surprised he even let you crawl out of his ass long enough to come find me.

ROSENCRANTZ
Hey man, that is some rude shit you’re talking.

HAMDONG
And you can suck a kingdom of dicks while you’re at it.

ROSENCRANTZ
Come on dude, just tell us where the body is and then come with us to king.

HAMDONG
The king can suck a universe of dicks. Fuck all of you.

GUILDENSTERN
Come on man, give us a break, please.

HAMDONG
Ah y’know what? Fuck it. I’ll go see your asshole king. Let’s go. Let’s all go and see this motherfucking piece of shit king. Come one, here we go. Off to see king shit of fuck mountain.

Well let’s go dildos! 

Exeunt