The Tragical History of Bromeo & Drooliet Act II Scene I

PROLOGUE

Fuckin Chorus
Chorus
I don’t know what we’re supposed to tell you here. After one brief conversation and two quick smooches, Romeo and Juliet are now aparently hopelessly in love with each other. I’m sure everything is going to work out for those two love birds and they’ll both live happily ever after. In hell.

So yeah, this second act prologue is entirely useless. I don’t know why it’s here either! It's probably why none of the other three acts have one! OK well, on with the fuggin show!
Exit

SCENE I. A lane by the wall of Capulet's fuckin orchard.

Enter ROMEO
ROMEO
So let’s see, I can risk near certain death by jumping over this wall and into the Capulet’s orchard in the slim hope that I find Juliet undetected and just maybe get a little poonany out of it. Or, I can stay on this side of the wall with pretty much no chance of dying but definitely no chance of getting laid. [pauses to consider] Looks like I’ll be leaping over that fuckin wall.
He climbs the fuckin wall and leaps down to the other side
Enter BENVOLIO and MERCUTIO
BENVOLIO
Hey! Romeo! Where are you going?
MERCUTIO
Probably going to bed just like a little baby.
BENVOLIO
But he doesn’t live in the Capulet’s orchard! Try calling him!
MERCUTIO
Get off my sack, BENVOLIO. And get off Romeo’s while you’re at it. The only thing that’s gonna to make him want to hang out with you right now is if your dick fell off and Rosaline's vagina grew in where your balls used to hang.
BENVOLIO
Don’t be mean. Romeo’s going through a tough time and we should be good friends to him.
MERCUTIO
I am being a good friend, man, I’m trying to help. If I wanted to be mean I’d go over to Rosaline’s house right now and bang the shit out of her. Cause I don’t buy this celibate routine of hers neither. She’s just being a bitch. And so is Romeo.
BENVOLIO
Shut up, Mercurio. Help me look me look for him in these trees.
MERCUTIO
These trees here? With the fruits that looks like little vaginas? Hah, Romeo would be in there, because the only ass he’s getting tonight is off of one of them pussy pears. Ha ha ha. Come on, man, lets get the fuck out of this fuckin place.
BENVOLIO
sigh. Yeah fine let’s go. If Romeo doesn’t want to hang out then there’ no point in us finding him anyway.
Exeunt